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My Book! :D [Read and tell me watcha' think?]

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My Book! :D [Read and tell me watcha' think?]

Post  XxCrypticVirus7xX on Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:41 pm

This is just the intro! It's literally he first part of the first chapter. Tell me what you think (It's going to be kind of confusing since it's only the very beginning)[ The spacng wouldn't work right Mad ]

The World In It's End

Chapter 1
The feeling of death rushed through my nerves as I couldn't realize what state of mind I was in. I used the last bit of energy to try and force my eyelids open. The blurriness of the sky and parts of my blonde hair were the only things in my sight. Finally, my eyes stretched all the way open and I could see things clearly. It was kind of nice to wake up from my nap, and be gazing at the stars that were vividly bright to my eyes..
After I've woken up all the way, I grasped the sides that pressed into my palms, and leaped forward out of my shopping cart. It's not too great to sleep in a shopping cart but it's the best thing a lonely seventeen year old can find for shelter these days. Living in a tent is royalty for us young people in the year 2072. My parents we're killed by some freak accident involving a global gas attack or something. As did everybody else's. I'm still very confused about how only the older people are dead. Everybody about twenty years or younger is still alive. Whoever launched the gas attack also abducted my little sister. Since then, I've been very alone.
One other thing that made me as depressed as I am is that my girlfriend, Cindy, was kidnapped by whoever launched the gas attack. Apparently it's a whole group of crazed scientists and loons that are in this underground facility. A month after she was kidnapped, I saw her when I was in a group with my friend, Seth, and two other random dudes. We were going in a store to find sources of food. I was in charge of watching the door in case anybody tried to attack or stop us. Cindy was running down the street as if someone was following her around, but she was alone. “Cindy! Is that you?” I yelled. “Jacob! Oh my god! I knew I would find you!” shouted Cindy. She ran towards me with her lit up face. I opened my arms for her and my face shifted into a huge smile of joy. She was starting to leap into the air for me to catch her and I get to hold her in my arms! Right before she jumped, I heard a loud whistle. Then, a huge, devastating explosion happened. I fell back and felt my whole body burning. I began to scream the harsh outburst of excruciating pain. My friends ran out, wrapped me up, and quickly jumped and hauled me into the water nearby. As they were bringing me into the cold lake water, all I felt were the singes of cooling, burning, and numbness at the same time. The sound of my burning flesh and the water coming in contact sounded like bacon getting fried at highest temperature. After the major pains banished, I took the time to realize that Cindy was dead over on the street. I was brought back to my cart and I've been living here like this since.
The street I live on is full of only terrible things. There's always random abuse, mugging, drug-dealing, or rape happening. Other than those things going on, there are the other people who are alone and walk around having no idea where they're going, or where they came from. They seem mentally disturbed by walking around just like they have no souls. I began to walk down the street to see if I could find any food to eat, or good people to talk to. As I almost approached a big, old, yellow apartment building where I smelled barbeque being cooked, two thugs with some machine guns in there hands yelled, “Hey! Got any money there for us, pretty boy?”
I slowly turned my head towards them, and gave them a death glare that could have been somewhat threatening. As I felt the sweat about to break out, I firmly made strong fists of anger I was trying to build up to unleash on them. As I made my fists, I lied and calmly said, “Yeah...” “How much? Huh?” said the other thug as he put his finger in position on the trigger and swiftly raised his weapon at me. I took a moment to feel my nerves tingling and rushing with the mix of anger and adrenaline. As I felt my rage ready to explode on them, I yelled, “Enough for you to suck on!” My foot slid up off the ground and swung around at full force to the goon with the gun at me. My kick had full impact to his stomach, and he yelled a wimpish howl as he was out of breath for a minute. The other thug lifted his rifle and tried to fire at my head but I evaded his shot before I threw my hardest punch ever at his face. I felt like I was going super saiyan! Wind rushed back past my fist as I knocked my fist right to the middle of the thug's face. As soon as the contact of my fist to his face happened, I heard a very loud and sharp crack. The noise was both from his face being broken, and a part of my knuckle busting wide open. As I watched my opponent fall, I realized that he was dead from the punch, let alone the fact that he fell back head first onto the hard street surface.
While I was distracted from watching him, and from the feeling of five different senses going through my body, the other guy recovered from my kick. He positioned his gun along his stomach, and swung it up with great force. That great force struck me on my chin and caused my jaw to break. My vision was almost going out and I felt dizzy while I collapsed to the ground. I saw the figure of the thug pointing the gun up at my head and he was ready to fire. Next thing I knew, I heard a big bang. I thought I was dead as my eyes were firmly pressed closed. I slowly opened my eyes and saw the thug's head partially exploding and blood shooting out through the back as his body was falling down. My senses told me right away to turn my head around and look at the guy who fired the weapon. Instead, I remained looking toward the building as I was still on the ground feeling pretty weak. “Need a hand?” said the stranger.[left]


Last edited by XxCrypticVirus7xX on Thu Sep 20, 2012 11:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: My Book! :D [Read and tell me watcha' think?]

Post  [JFFS] Fixer243 on Thu Sep 20, 2012 11:05 pm

Dude you are a great story writer! i only write poems and songs because i am a music person. But this is Great! i wish i could write this good!
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Re: My Book! :D [Read and tell me watcha' think?]

Post  XxCrypticVirus7xX on Thu Sep 20, 2012 11:15 pm

Thanks! Very Happy That means a lot! Smile
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Re: My Book! :D [Read and tell me watcha' think?]

Post  [JFFS] Fixer243 on Mon Oct 22, 2012 11:30 pm

where is the next part
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Re: My Book! :D [Read and tell me watcha' think?]

Post  Derakel on Thu Oct 25, 2012 4:52 pm

This is a very interesting Story, i hope you put more =D
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Re: My Book! :D [Read and tell me watcha' think?]

Post  Nick on Fri Oct 26, 2012 8:32 pm

Speaking of which, I just wrote this a few days back. Sorry about the indents being a little screwed up. A little fallout inspired too Razz

Humanity, oh humanity. A smart race… They have great talents, but with good things come a price. Humanity is diseased, plagued by self destruction and greed. Only few believe in the morals humanity had been gifted with in the past. But things changed. Soon there were wars, diseases, greediness, poverty, fighting, and death…
As the years passed on, the wars got worse. The greediness and insanity brought them to make weapons that could destroy them themselves. Wars don’t prove who’s right or wrong, they only show who’s left.
It is now the year: 2076, humanity has long fought its last brutal war, the final war… the one that destroyed humanity itself. The war was not of men and guns, it was the first and last use of our nuclear weapons for war after WWII.
The remnants of an old world are the only things on this planet. Few people are left. Our future, our fate, our desire and our hate, we caused this, there is no arguing. Now there is no turning back now to confess our sins. Stories of our past have almost been forgotten, but we have one more story to follow… the story of the one who could save us. His story begins in a bunker forged to let our future on this planet continue.
He wanted to make a change; they had been in that bunker for over 30 years with no words of the surface. They had been told that it was a dangerous place by their parents, by their peers, by everyone.

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Re: My Book! :D [Read and tell me watcha' think?]

Post  Nick on Thu Dec 13, 2012 1:35 am

Literally for the past hour, I have been typing up a story. I kinda don't want to put it up because I feel like someone is going to take the idea. And trust me, this thing I'm writing has a interesting sense of plot.

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